Deep in the stillness

Have you ever had one of those moments where time seems to come to a stand still and you're just overwhelmed with what a small part you play in the universe? Lately I've been so caught up in the business of life that it’s been a while since I've had one of those moments. But two nights ago I felt like going outside at 1:30am and standing alone in my back yard. I was up so late because I had been writing an essay on free will for my philosophy class and I was just not feeling inspired. I had all these thoughts whirling around my head about choices and destiny that I just needed some time to breathe. I used to spend a lot of my time outside in the dark when I was little because Namibia has some of the most amazing night skies, but now that I'm older I rarely do it anymore. It’s funny how as we get older we tend to forget about the simple things in life. As a child I was always outside and never wasted my time as much as I do now. Taking joy in the little things is something I’ve had to relearn which is very depressing but unfortunately tends to personify the general population. But getting back to my story. It was late and pitch black outside when I stepped into my garden. I took a deep breath and happened to glance up at the sky. The sight that met my eyes was incredible. Across the darkness of night were countless of tiny twinkling stars that sparkled. Looking at this I had this overwhelming moment where I wasn't thinking but just sensing with my entire being what an awesome creator I serve. The silence that night was something so peaceful yet so powerful. It’s a silence I can’t put into words. It was more like a silence which enveloped me with this huge sense of awe and wonder. I felt like the entire universe was endless and I was this small little dot somewhere on the face of this planet. I would have been happy just to spend my entire life in that moment, drinking in the reality of my existence on this tiny planet floating amidst countless galaxies. I'm not a person who likes silence but that night it was like the whole world was asleep and the only two people awake were me and God and deep in this stillness He was washing over me all the love he had put into creating this incredible planet we call home. About two years back I did a project on Judaism and found out that in a Jewish marriage, traditionally the bride and groom will have the actual ceremony at night, under a canopy of stars to remind them of the promises God made to Abraham about their people. I think Abraham must have experienced a similar sort of moment as the one I had looking at those stars that night. Genesis 15:4
He took him outside and said, ‘Look up at the heavens and count the stars –if indeed you can count them.’ Then he said to him, ‘So shall your offspring be.’ I love how God challenges Abraham to try and count the stars. I’m sure Abraham even started counting and then just became so overwhelmed with how many there were and how magnificent the night sky was. And then when he finally gives up God is like “O by the way you’re going to have as many descendants as the stars in the night.” I LOVE THAT! My heavenly Father loves to blow my mind and too often I’m too scared to believe that the promises He has spoken over my life are actually real and will come true. Yet he remains faithful and continues to speak destiny over my life even when I feel so overwhelmed and unworthy.
The promise Abraham received was huge! The Bible goes on to say that he believed the Lord and God credited Abraham’s faith in him as righteousness. But later on in the chapter Abraham sleeps with his wife’s maid servant in order to produce a son that could carry on his name. I don’t think he forgot God’s promise but like anyone of us,he tried to take it into his own hands instead of letting God fulfill it. Completely letting go is the hardest thing to do and often wanting to have our life under control hinders us from letting God take over and fulfill his plan in us. But I love how even though Abraham took things in his own hands he eventually learns what it means to surrender all to Him. God tests him and Abraham passes the test. I want to be so passionately in love with my Maker that I’m willing to offer my all. But for that to happen my “self” needs to die first. It’s a process of refiners fire and turning one little lump of coal into the diamond it was meant to be.